Emotional Regulation at Christmas
“Emotional regulation” is a term generally used to describe a person's ability to manage and respond to an emotional experience effectively. People unconsciously use emotion regulation strategies to cope with difficult situations many times throughout each day.
Emotional regulation is becoming a buzzword when we talk about ADHD.
What I am noticing is that it’s becoming stigmatised and can be used in a condescending way. You know what I mean, the “Poor you, this is really hard for you isn’t it?” Oh, fuck off! It’s patronising.
In fact, self-regulation is important for everyone, especially for us ADHDers as we spend a lot of our time trying to regulate ourselves (hello leg jiggling).
Emotional regulation at Christmas
A real positive about ADHDers is that we’re sensitive to emotions, particularly in groups.
A lot of us end the year feeling tired and burnt out which means we go into the festivities already feeling sensitive and depleted. Add ADHD and being emotionally sensitive into the mix and we end up being mindful of everyone else instead of ourselves.
One thing goes wrong and we’re triggered, we may cry, feel angry, or simply shut down. It’s why Christmas can make people feel unsafe in their bodies.
Identifying what you need
Emotional regulation isn’t just about thinking about your emotions, it’s recognising that feeling in your body and using it as a way to identify your needs and pre-empt your energy levels.
We need to check in with ourselves and ask what need (I chat about this more in my blog post here).
During the Christmas holidays this could look like:
🎄Spending a couple of days with family, not an entire week.
🎄Only go to the events you want to go to, not all of them
🎄Not being ‘on’ all Christmas day and doing what you need to regulate
🎄Telling people what you will be opting in to, based on your needs and desires
We owe it to ourselves to start to listen to our bodies and figure out what we want ❤️
Alex’s Top Tips:
Know that others struggle whether they’re neurodiverse or not.
Put yourself first and develop your self-compassion and resilience.
Find an ally - in your family or over WhatsApp and co-regulate together.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas!
